When it comes to praise, quality over quantity may be the answer to building kids' self-esteem
In many cultures—-like China-—praise is rare. People worry about the effects of praise. That too much praise will inflate the ego...This seems to be an ancient concern. But today things are different. Parents praise their kids all the time.
Why? Because we think that praise is going to make our kids better—more motivated, more confident, more inclined to tackle challenges. But does it really work that way?
Well, yes. Praise can be a powerful form of encouragement. For instance, research in the US indicates that mothers who praise their preschoolers for their good manners have kids with better social skills.
Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark Lepper, psychologists who have analyzed over 30 years of studies on the effects of praise:
In many cultures—-like China-—praise is rare. People worry about the effects of praise. That too much praise will inflate the ego...This seems to be an ancient concern. But today things are different. Parents praise their kids all the time.
Why? Because we think that praise is going to make our kids better—more motivated, more confident, more inclined to tackle challenges. But does it really work that way?
Well, yes. Praise can be a powerful form of encouragement. For instance, research in the US indicates that mothers who praise their preschoolers for their good manners have kids with better social skills.
Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark Lepper, psychologists who have analyzed over 30 years of studies on the effects of praise:
They determined that praise can be a powerful motivating force if you follow these guidelines:
• Be sincere and specific with your praise
Insincere praise may harm self-esteem and damage relationships
• Praise kids only for traits they have the power to change
While praising kids could motivate and improve self-esteem of child, the flip side is that there is a risk that kids become more cautious. They may avoid challenges. It’s as if they may afraid to do anything that might make them fail and lose your high appraisal. For these reasons, it’s better to avoid praising kids for ability. Instead, praise them for things that they can clearly change—like their level of effort or the strategies they use
• Use descriptive praise that conveys realistic, attainable standards
Some praise is merely about making a judgment “Good job!” Other praise provides information about what the recipient did right: “I like the way you begin your essay by describing the problem and explaining why it’s important.” The latter is called descriptive praise, and it is thought to be more helpful than general praise
• Be careful about praising kids for achievements that come easily
If you praise kids for easy tasks, kids may conclude there is something wrong: Either you’re too dumb to realize how easy the task is, or you think the kids are dumb. Such interpretations are unlikely to occur to younger children. But as kids mature, they become more sophisticated about the social meaning of praise
• Be careful about praising kids for doing what they already love to do
It’s okay to praise kids for doing what they like to do. But be careful not to go overboard—particularly with older kids. When you praise kids every time they do something they enjoy, it might actually reduce their motivation
• Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills—not on comparing themselves to others
Social-comparison praise is only motivating as long as kids continue to finish first. If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose motivation. In essence, kids who are accustomed to social-comparison praise become poor losers. Also social-comparison praise teaches kids that competitive standing, not mastery, is the goal.
Source: parentingscience.com, webmd.com
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